Both my parents who at the time were 84 yrs old living together in there own home safely and independently . Unfortunately my mum had broken her hip, I believe from a botched up repair from fractured femur from the previous year .
My mum was in hospital awaiting her hip replacement, which was cancelled three times . I could see my mum was deteriorating as the weeks passed into a month , being hoisted and made to use a commode . I eventually found out through my mums medical records that mum was being refused the operation. It stated "this lady has dementia and is not fit for hip replacement send her home and make her comfortable". The days leading up to the 4th scheduled operation , my mum told me a woman had visited her asking lots of questions like who is the current prime minister, count the months backwards etc. I had my suspicions then that the hospital was going to label mum with dementia, I quickly got a private assessment done on mum whilst in hospital , mum did have capacity to sign herself out and go private for hip replacement.
A DNAR was placed in my mums notes without consent from my mum. She quickly removed that and the very next day had her hip replaced successfully and I told the hospital I would help with all mums rehab at her home. I hired a bed , got rails , toilet seat all fitted ready for her discharge. We’re my mum still in her own home thriving.
Whilst my mum in the hospital my dad was placed into respite for a week , which I extended to another week. Dad was unhappy and rang me several times a day on his mobile phone. One night he rang me in distress that the carers had done something to him. I asked the carer why is my dad in distress? Her reply "he’s confused?" I was very worried as they refused my visiting.
The very next day I received a call from the care home saying my dad wheezing and an ambulance has been called. This was 6:30 am. When I arrived to see my Dad who had mild dementia , he was clinically dehydrated. I took photos - the care home sent dad into hospital without glasses , dentures , hearing aids or regular medications. No IV fluids , no oxygen , no nebulisers given. I stayed throughout the day hydrating my Dad and marking sure he was safe , placed the buzzer within reach and gave bottled water . I got him an extra pillow & blanket as the staff said dad would be admitted to a ward .
Later in the evening dad was still in A&E when I went to check on him , he had been left in a room with closed door , no observations, no access to buzzer or water. The side tables had been moved out of reach of Dad. Dad was flat on his back hanging out the bed , shouting for help. I quickly removed my Dad for his own safety & best interest and took dad to his own home .
But three days later dad was worse , he had fluid on his lungs , I had no option to take dad to a different hospital were I thought he would be treated safely and effectively. The worst thing I possibly could of done , and regret that day forever , the guilt and pain I feel .
Dad was admitted with aspiration pneumonia I looked through his notes and seen DOLs and safeguard written alongside daughter. I didn’t really know what DOLS meant at that time. The nursing staff were like prison guards - they wouldn’t let me cut dads nails as he was scratching so bad on his legs. He was NBM , drugged up on lorazepam, no oral hygiene, unshaven and he was bedridden. Inly twice I had seen him in a chair. Dad was on a covid ward which I can only describe as death row as the syringe drivers went on each patient. It was horrific to be on this ward witnessing death of the gentlemen on this cruel callous ward. I saw no compassion , dignity , care or empathy.
My dad was broken down emotionally, physically and spiritually over 10 weeks of gruelling torture . I instructed a human rights solicitor to get my dad out as he was begging to get him home - this is all recorded .
The BIM was held by nine in the firing squad saying now Dad as full blown dementia? We disagreed. He was EOL , he now had to be hoisted and two to transfer and it will not be possible to send him home. I showed the firing squad the bed on hire and a bedroom I had made up for Dad , but it all fell on deaf ears & blank stares .
Dad was taken to the care home / prison mid November 2021. They wouldn’t let me have ECG even though I’m dads carer , using LPA as an excuse. There is restricted visiting on my mum ( wife of 62 yrs ) and myself . Full lockdown from 28th December with covid outbreak. To date as far as I know Dad has had three falls , admission to hospital with kidney injury, dehydrated and caught COVID , despite visiting restrictions .
We have been treated appallingly by the care home manager who as spoken to me terribly with attitude, bias opinion of myself whom she doesn’t know. I started recording her behaviour toward me on the telephone. I’m on a few closed private Face book groups were I’ve posted some of these terrible phone calls.
I was informed the care home manger joined this groups under a false pretence that she was a relative of mine ( imposter ) and stalked me on my Face book groups , even though I do not use my real name on the groups . She then threatened to report me to social services , who have also been appalling and ignored all my safeguarding and complaints since July 2020.
It just seems a battle after battle just to get your loved ones care or safely back into there own homes , which no one should ever have to go through this . Since my mums return home she is very happy, content, safe and loved. My mum as been targeted three times to get her back into hospital which she flatly refuses and has daily unannounced visits from frailty nurses checking my mum over. My mums sats we’re down a little and they wanted her to go into hospital. I said this does not warrant admission to hospital .