To see your vulnerable loved one through a window and not being able to love them or comfort them when they are telling you they want to die is an experience that I would not wish on anyone. It happened to us and is still happening up and down the country today!
We put Mum in care so we could have support taking care of her. It was the hardest decision we had to make but dad wasn't coping with Mum's immobility and dementia. Dad had stopped showering and combing his hair and was so depressed and his patience was almost non-existent after two years of him being Mum's main carer. So when dad went in for a hip replacement Mum went into care.
Before Covid we visited 6 days a week and when myself and sister were there we did all Mum's personal care, it was our way of still being able to show Mum we love her and to us she was only half in care because she used to go for a couple of hours each day to dads flat.
Covid came and her world fell apart, there was nothing we could do everyone was in the same position at first. Then things started opening up but not care homes, window visits were torture and one day they even came and shut the window that 3 inch gap that was our only connection was closed because it was government policy said the stand in manager at the time. She was wrong and I lost it big time. From then I started fighting this crazy system.
I learnt about the Rights for Residents and started contacting public health, CQC it was like banging my head up a brick wall for a long time. Things have improved now with dad being given ECG so he can go and be with Mum even if there is an outbreak. It still isn't right though because every day your waiting for another of those phone calls that tell you there is another lockdown due to a covid outbreak and you know it won't be 10 days it will be 20 or 30 or 40 because these lockdowns always role into another one.
It's wrong that's my Mum is ours not the care homes, not the managers, not Public Health's - she is ours always has been, and always will be.
DONT sit back and do nothing.
I know its hard to keep telling our stories and repeating ourselves but it's what needed. I could write a lot more.
Love to everyone who is going through this x